Define "chronic" masturbator.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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