Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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