who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
