I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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