Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
