He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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