A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
