Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
