ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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