Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize