I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
