she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She said her name was "party"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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