I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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