Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
