I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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