I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You smell like stripper and shame
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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