He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
