the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
