I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
