she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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