is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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