mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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