I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
