PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
