Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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