just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize