My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
