Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
