my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
