I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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