I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize