Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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