theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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