how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
