I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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