STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
