If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
