My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
