Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So vagazzling was a success
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize