How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
