This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He shit in the fireplace
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
