The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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