We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
