not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize