My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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