i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
