why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
