I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
