If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
