if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
