why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize