he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
