You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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