my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
