that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
