I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
