Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
