I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
