i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
