i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
