In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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