Screwed.edu
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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