i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
