Sry I called you an 8
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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