i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
