OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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