we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
