Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
How naked do you want me to be?
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