the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
