just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
