Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
