I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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