get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
