are you still at the devil's house?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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