At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
