butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
