Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
