dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize