I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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