you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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