Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
