But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
