I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize