I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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