Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
