im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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