i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
