I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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