so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
