Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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