But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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