I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
splinters make it hard to masturbate
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
